Friday, October 16, 2015

A Lesson in Enough-ness

I'm 40 something years old and for the first time in my life I can say, "Here I am and check it out, I am enough."

Accepting this belief system was the best thing I ever did for myself. Turns out a crisis of faith is good for something.

Now, if I can only help my kids learn this soon so they don't have to wait until they are my age to understand they are enough. But how?

I want my kids to believe that whether they
- play on a team or in a band
- make varsity or make a mistake
- or are known by many or by few
that who they are becoming 
is enough - 
that what they do or how well they perform are not the measuring sticks for their enough-ness.

Hard to teach, yah? And if that wasn't difficult enough, it seems that I'm fighting culture on this one too.

I see mothers wringing their hands in worry wondering if their kid is accepted, concerned their kid's not known and stressing over their kid's group of friends. 

Don't get me wrong. I hope for all of these things for my kids as well but not at the expense of inserting myself into their social arena. 
Doesn't that teach the exact opposite of enough-ness?

I get it, I want my kids to be happy too. But if you have to push, maneuver, strategize, force relationships and worse, become gripped with worry when you're not getting the results you want, aren't you actually communicating to your kid, I can't trust that you're enough. You need more? To be more? To be seen more?

And don't you realize your relentless pursuit of this type of social currency is perpetually promoting the very system you fear? As long as there are people who believe popular is better, popular will be perceived as better.

I see your posts advertising the oodles of endlessly cool things you all do. All. The. Time.

And guess what, it's okay. I don't take it personally at all. (see above) I much prefer to hang out with people who want to hang out with me. 

But I have a hunch; those mommas are posting and tagging pics for promotion. Not celebration. I think you want us to know who your group is, thereby inferring your group is better and hinting mine is less.

So here I am telling my kids, they are enough. And there you are promoting activity and events and a do more, be more life. 

Or maybe your postings are genuine. 

But in the off and highly unlikely chance they are not, may I remind you; the number of tagged pics and check-ins are not the measure for your, or your child's, enough-ness.

To be enough is to like yourself. When you're alone. Amidst the stuff you accomplished today AND the stuff you didn't get to. I'm talking about living like we're free from struggling to be seen, to live in a place of peace and contentment?

I bet you already think your kid is awesome. So stop freaking out that they are not. Stop worrying others will miss your kid's awesomeness. I mean if they miss it, are they really worth your time and energy to point out what's obvious? And for the love of everything that is good, stop putting your family life on hold for your kid's social one.  

Stop promoting your kids. And stop feeling bad for mine because I don't.

My kids are freaking awesome.
Whoever they're with.
Where ever they are.
Whatever grade or sport or school they attend.
If that surprises you, then perhaps you don't know us very well. And maybe you should.

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