Bandaid? I got it?
Creamer? I got it!
video game? stickers? snacks? pens? paper? reading material? medicine? nail clippers?
I got it. I got it. I got it.
I carry it all with me everywhere I go. A mother of has to be ready right?
Some women spend their money on jewelry. Others shoes. But there is a distinct group of women who collect purses - name brand, expensive purses. And by expensive I mean ‘you could dig a well in Africa and feed an entire tribe with the money you spent on that purse’ expensive.
But to each their own.
I am not a part of the name brand purse touting army of women. Not that I don't admire the supple Italian leather, the sleek embroidered canvas or the hand stitched trim. I can appreciate good quality when I see it.
I don't carry those bags because I am a mother. Of five children. Two of which are twins. In my opinion, my purse needs to be a functional, not stylish, piece of my artillery.
Primarily, I need a big bag. Not a large bag. A very big bag. It must be big enough to hold books, diapers, wipes, bottles, tissues, Band-Aids, batteries, antibacterial hand gel, chap stick, snacks, pens, drawing paper, gum, medicine, cough drops, permission slips, water bottles, watch batteries and toys of every variety. And that's just for the kids. I need: a camera, an energy bar, packets of instant coffee and sweetener, wallet, lipstick, makeup, coupons, the grocery list, to do list, prescriptions, business cards, reading material, keys, mini sewing kit, spare change, my phone, lotion, comb, dental floss and a flask (just kidding) (sorta).
In other words, if you need something just ask me.
Because I carry everything but the kitchen sink in my purse and because my children are always digging inside my bag with their grubby little hands on the hunt for spare change for the concession stand, why in the world would I ever invest in an expensive leather purse? That would be just be a cruel reason for a leather-donating cow to die.
No, the kind of bag I need is more liken to a military grade duffle bag. Which I would consider carrying except I don't have a single thing in my closet to match army green. Because while I recognize I don’t have a lot of control over much in my environment, I can at least color coordinate to the best of my ability.
Which brings me to the final component of my purse dilemma. I can barely get my teeth brushed every morning. How could I ever expect to find the time to match the color of my bag to my outfit? In fact, for years I carried one purse that had both brown and black coloring because I imagined it looked somewhat respectable with whatever I wore.
But recently I put all my purse anxieties aside because I have found the perfect purse for me. It's large. It's durable. It's semi stylish, relatively reasonable and, here's the best part, it has an interchangeable cover. It has the magical ability to carry everything a mother needs while masquerading as a trendy bag.
Which pretty much sums up what I imagine my reputation to be. While I might look as if I have it all together, semi-stylish and arguably up-to-date on the outside, I am quite loaded down on the inside with odd and end randomness.
But what mother isn’t?
I don’t need an expensive purse to prove my social status to the world. Nor do I wish to spend an entire month’s wages on a bag that carries my kids’ crap. What I really need is a waterproof, stain resistant, durable, attractive and inexpensive small suitcase that can do all the cooking and cleaning. Now that would be a purse I would pay an arm and a leg for! Or I could just get rid of the kids. Why? Because I'm the mom and I said so! That's why!