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Saturday, July 2, 2011

Scars

from the achives October 2009:
Ebay 2005

One day a few weeks ago, I updated my facebook status:
"Sometimes the school of hard knocks leaves a scar" .
That same day I sliced open my thumb and needed 4 stitches.
Oh, how we learn best the hard way.

It was dumb really. Knowing full well you don't grab the lid and force it off a tin can - I did it anyway and suffered the consequences.

4 stitches on the inside of my right hand. My dominate hand. It kinda handicapped me for awhile.

Still almost 4 weeks out after the initial injury I am still fully aware of what I've done.

Physically, I can see the bright, new, pink flesh . The torn skin remains a little peely and I can easily tell where the stitches were. Even today, when I try to use my right hand in certain ways the new skin protests; it's not ready to grip a jar or open a bottle. It warns me - try that and I'll cause you pain.

Emotionally, however, what about the scars that take longer to heal? How do we feel about that?

I only hurt my thumb. Minor . . minor injury. But what about the bigger scars? In more tender places?

Say . . . the heart.

I'm a tender person. I cry when I see suffering or at my favorite song.
I tear up at movies, commercials about Christmas and dogs and . . . for my children.

My physical heart is fine.
But my heart-heart - well last time I looked it was still bright pink and the new skin is still a little tender.
With the amount of time that has passed, it seems like the old scar should be all healed up by now -

Maybe the Irish band The Script sums it up well in their song Breakeven:
"cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even."

My thumb... it will be back to normal in no time. But a heart?
How long does it take for a broken heart to heal? One that's been broke uneven?

To look at my thumb - well it looks fine; my heart - it too looks ok.

But I know from experience that sometimes things take time to heal
My thumb = weeks. My heart = ?
Who knows.

But I know it will. My body is meant to mend - my heart will as well.
It just takes a little time.




Abby 2010
ammendment: today is the first of July. Nineteen months after I originally wrote this piece. I am happy to say that I am in a much better place today....much better. So it's true - in time things can heal. So what we need to remember is that: it will heal. How much time it takes is unknown....but it will heal.
I looked at my thumb just now - the one that had stiches - and I had to LOOK for the scar. It isn't even visible anymore unless I look for it. 
That's good right?
The scar is there. I have evidence that it healed. But I hardly even know it exists. 
Allow your scars the time they need to heal.
For if you give them time to heal properly....they will. 

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