Monday, May 23, 2011

Strongly vs Nothing

This blog was originally written and posted in early January on - our family website - in an effort to move all my blogs to one concise location I'll be occasionally posting some older ones when I move them over to this site.

Facebook status update from 1/9/11:
"there are some occasions in life where you should stand and wait for the smoke to clear. Too quickly and without discernment we often run much too soon".

My darling husband asked me where I got this quote from. As if I wouldn't quote the creator of it. It was me! This was an original quote that accumulates from two recent experiences.

1. I'm getting ready for a coffee with my girlfriends, listening to Alanis Morrisette sing:  "...I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone. I certainly do. I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time. Feel free. Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays). You wait and see when the smoke clears.
You live you learn..."

2. I'm reading Eat, Pray, Love and Elizabeth Gilbert writes of an experience where she intended to sit still, absolutely still for a long period of time. Unfortunately she choose dusk, in India, and was swarmed by mosquitoes. And yet she didn't flinch an inch. She writes, "...for 34 years on earth I have never not slapped a mosquito when it was biting me. I've been a puppet to this and millions of other small and large signals of pain or pleasure throughout my life. Whenever something happens, I always react. But here I was disregarding the reflex. I was doing something I'd never done before. A small thing, granted, but how often do I get to say that? And what will I be able to do tomorrow that I cannot yet do today?"

And I'm thinking. Wondering. Turning this thought over and over in my mind. Not specifics, just a general consideration, if you will, of the fact that I might have misused the 'flight' concept of 'fight or flight'. I think I may have took off,
checked out,
thrown out the baby and the bath water on more occasions that I should.
What if instead of running I wait?
What if instead of panicking I plant my feet firm?
Haven't I had experiencing in life where I ran my mouth off too soon?,
Lost sleep in my bed mapping out my next move, your next move, then my next move in vain?
How often have I seen the smoke and was fooled?
What if it was only a smoke screen?
I think there is a good chance I need to be more discerning with my own life, with my words, with my actions and reactions.
Am I getting older?
Is a glimpse of maturity knocking at my door?

Could I become more patient -discerning- and in doing so accomplish feats otherwise not possible when my feet are running? I have no interest in sitting in a swarm of mosquitoes. That was Gilbert's life. I want to create my own life. My own stories. My own bravery. I want to stand in the crux of my own life - I  can see it! I envision my (skinny) silhouette standing against the haze of clearing smoke revealing a glorious _____ (fill in the blank).

I don't know what awaits me. But I know I'm not gonna miss it because I ran away.
Wisdom come to me. Jam 1:5
Help me to know when to stand and when to run. When to talk. When to listen.

"there are some occasions in life where you should stand and wait for the smoke to clear. Too quickly and without discernment we often run much too soon".

Me! in Prague 2010

Julia! in Eat, Pray, Love

1 comment:

  1. I love working from home so much. It is such a blessing to be able to do so as a single mom. But during my 6-week-long (so far) kitchen remodel, those days when laundry is piled up, or days when I see a mess and just refuse to clean it myself because I know which child made the mess and why... I have a horrible time concentrating. I've learned I can not work effectively from my couch. I can't wait to get my new kitchen cupboards filled today so that I can make a space for myself at the kitchen table.


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