Thursday, April 28, 2011

A Letter to my Daughter

Dear Teenage Daughter,

You are my first born. The first. What this means is that I've never, ever given a child permission to go riding in someone's "sweet ride". Words can't possibly explain how my heart feels when you trot off and get in the passenger seat of your newly-liscenced friend's car.
You are the first bird to ever launch out of my nest. I'm not quite experienced at all of this yet.

You are going to be the first for many things. This is important for you to understand.
I know that you think that it's not fair. I mean you didn't ask for 4 siblings. And truth be told that wasn't my plan for you either. But here we both are. Can't we try and make the best of it?

I know you are a good girl. Deep in my heart I feel satisfied that you've grown up quite well. Your daddy & I have given you all our very best and I believe you now have what it takes. Your grades are amazing and you're aiming for valedictorian. My heart soars as you are already accomplishing more than I did. Thank you for all the times teachers have stopped me in the hall to tell me what a great kid you were when they had you in their class. You make me proud. I smile when I think of the legacy you are leaving for your brothers and sisters.

I also know your desire to be loved and accepted. And while your daddy & I love and accept you more than you'll ever know, I understand you need your peers' affirmation as well. This is so normal. Can you believe me when I say I remember feeling that feeling? I am almost 40 years old but I still remember longing for acceptance and dealing with rejection. I was rejected too, you know. I was your age once. I clearly remember giving my heart to a boy who never returned the gesture. It hurts. It aches. But it doesn't last forever. In the scheme of your life, it's a fleeting feeling. I know you don't understand this today. I know if feels like the whole world spins on it's axis when he gives you some attention. But my darling, the world was spinning before you even knew his name and it will continue to move throughout the universe long after he's forgotten yours.

And one other thing, as the eldest in our family you have an unspoken role I hope you'll be ever mindful of. Whether you like it or not, whether you can appreciate what I am about to tell you is irrelevant to this fact: your brothers and sisters look up to you. I don't tell you this to add spoonful of guilt to your soul, but because it's important to note. Whether you engage them or ignore them, it leaves a mark. Your siblings long to bond with you. They will watch the trail you blaze and then walk it. How far they go is certainly up to them, but you set the course. Painting your little sisters toenails seems petty to you but it means the world to them. Getting out of the house is important to you but not to them. They don't understand why you're absent from family dinners or movie night. Their young minds can't filter why you don't want to spend time with them. I get it. But they don't. Now I'm not asking you to alter your social life, I'm not even putting expectations on what it looks like for you to be here for them, I just simply ask that you remember they need you. You may not need them, at least not now, but they need you.

Finally, I want you to be and do whatever you want. I mean that. I think that money can always be made but true happiness comes from within. Chase your dream. Try something new. Visit foreign lands if you want. But please, please know that 'doing' things is not what makes a person happy and satisfied. There is an inner peace that is with you and a happiness that is not pinned on jobs or people or bank accounts.

Seek it.
Find it.
Please don't settle for anything less.

But just know if you do....when you find yourself in a valley, broken hearted, broke or ashamed that we, your family are here for you. We will always be here for you. We are proud of you not because of what you'll be, but for who you are.
You are my daughter. You are a part of this large, crazy tribe.
We want only the best for you but because we've walked through a bit of life ourselves we know it won't always be perfect.
On those days, we'll be here for you.
We love you.
I love you.
Please, child, be careful for my heart is with you.
It is always with you.

Love, Mom

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  1. What a beautiful letter! My oldest is 10 and approaching the teenage years more quickly than I can handle some days.

  2. That is an absolutely beautiful letter. I hope to be as understanding with my girls, I am like euregirlsandboys in that my oldest is almost 10 and I know these days will be here before I am ready.

  3. Aww what a sweet letter! I'm sure she'll cherish it one day...

  4. Great advice. She sounds like a great girl and is lucky to have you as a mom!

  5. Such a beautifully written letter. I think it's so hard for teenagers to feel that adults in their lives do understand what they're going through. Hopefully, she realizes that....and, based on the understanding that this letter gives of her, I'm sure she will. Love the picture at the end!

  6. Wow, well written and right from your heart. I was the eldest and I have thought some of those same things looking at my oldest daughter. I just have never put it into words the way you did.

  7. so beautiful. :) i love this so much. i wish my mom would've done something like this for me- more reason for me to do it for my own girl.

  8. Being the oldest child in my own family, I can look back and understand the importance of the advice you gave to your daughter in there. The younger ones always do seem to look up to and try to imitate the path of the oldest. I had times when I hated having them tagging along, but now I look back and wish I had included them more.

    Incredible letter to your daughter. I hope she accomplishes her goals and her dreams, and cherishes all the members of that wonderful family.

  9. How lovely is this post? I hope your dear daughter realizes how lucky she is to have a mama like you!

  10. This made me teary, both as an oldest child and a mother. Such great advice and insight.

  11. You all are very kind! Thank you for visiting my blog and taking time to comment!

  12. This was so lovely. It brought tears to my eyes. Your daughter is so lucky to have a mom to tell her so beautifully how she feels.

  13. Such a wonderful letter and so full of life truths. It sounds like you are a great mother with loving children. The pic at the end is beautiful.

  14. oh, that these daughters of ours can hold our hearts in word form in their hands... I love this.

  15. What a gorgeous letter, Steph. I love your advice to her, about being mindful of her role as a big sister. Advice I hope to able to impart to my firstborn when the time comes.

  16. Would you be willing to adopt me? In all seriousness, I love this...especially the part about "doing things." How do we get them to understand they are loved just for "being?"


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